Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Boxing Lessons

We have all been there, I've written about it before.
Its a problem with living on earth. So unfortunately, none of us can escape it.
If you are like me, it seems to be attracted to you. It comes almost too naturally to make you think it is natural.
And as Americans: Especially this time of year.
It can come in an instant, or it could build up. It can hit you like a ton of bricks or rock after rock.
Maybe for you, pebble after pebble.
Oh the joys of stress. that 'mental or emotional strain' from those 'difficult circumstances.'
It wears on you, beats you down. It buries you, stomps on you.
This last weekend, to put it kindly, decided to play games with me.
Being the most tired, I've ever been. Feeling some of the worst emotional pain, I've felt for a long time. I was more nervous than ever. I was the most disappointed i've been. I felt the most excited (since 2009 of course). More anger than ever. And even had fun this weekend. A horrible game of life was played.
I wanted to compare it to a roller-coaster. You know, the ups and downs. The craziness of all these feelings. The stress of the weekend.
I compare it more to a boxer. Getting hit, knocked down, beaten sometimes, getting in some hits. falling down, maybe cut, sweaty, tired. I can win and I can lose.
This weekend definitely won. I have had some losses, I don't have a perfect record. But since when does my next fight, my next spar, ever have to be about my last match?
I may have lost saturday, I may have won Sunday. I may be losing today, and tomorrow. But hey, I guess we all need some practice before we can claim our victory.
My anger can be held in for a long time. but compared to what other people are dealing with? Why should mine be the priority? So maybe its time to take the gloves off and hold the bag. Because this world is not about me. I am merely in it. I am having my friends backs and all I can really do is hope they have mine.
And when it is my turn? When the stress comes, in my corner I will go.
I will be ready. I hope to be ready. After my last defeat, can I be knocked down again?
we shall see.
All I want do do is win, put my hands up and know that from the ashes, I will rise.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

My Big Change

There is something I never wanted to do: Blog about my weight.
NOTE: This isn't some blog where I want the world to hold me accountable or even care about my weight. Its more to tell you something about change.
The past six months I have lost 40 pounds. the past year I have lost 55 pounds. I have not told people I am doing this. I am not posting for the world to see that "I have lost another 5 pounds guys!" No.
So why say it now? Because I have learned something doing this. Especially learned something by not telling people. Because I am not doing this for other people. I am not doing this so I am accepted wherever I go, because I am physically fit. I feel cliche saying that I am doing this for me. But lets face it. I am okay with being cliche.
Most people that are around me constantly probably don't even see this change. Not in a bad way, but in the way that you don't notice someone you are around consistently growing out their hair. So people i see all the time don't send compliments my way. (this, i am okay with, I am not doing it for their compliments) But people I see once in a while will say something. "Dakota, Have you lost weight?" or "Man, Dakota, you look a lot skinnier" Thats where the attention comes.
So. This being said.
This is a big change. It is a lifestyle change.
You know the last time I had soda?
December 26
You know the last time I had a cookie?
October of last year.
The last time I had fast food? (obviously Chick-Fil-A doesn't count)
December 27th
Fries? Tots?
May 31st
Its a lifestyle change. And you know what I have to say about it? I hate the way Society thinks.
Not about me, but about certain things:
Its more acceptable to be a homosexual than it is to be fat.
It is more acceptable to smoke cigarettes, and even marijuana than it is to be overweight.
It is more acceptable to randomly hook up with strangers than it is to be obese.
When is the last time you saw someone "out on the town" smoking and you turned to your friend and said some snarky funny judgmental remark? or see someone leaving with a dude and even think anything of it, male or female?
When was the last time you were out and you saw the heavy set girl out with her friends and you turn and say something to your friends?
I know I have done it. And I know plenty of people that have turned to me and said something.
So who is getting judged more?
Now with this, I am obviously not saying that we should be judging cigarette smoking gay men walking around over the fat one. I am just trying to show you how judged that overweight person is and definitely feels.
Its a lifestyle change coming from that position.
that being said, I have not been in the position of thinking, I am made fun of. I haven't been "TOO" out of shape, but I've lost that much and still have plenty to go.
Its a change. Its not easy. And for those skinny people out there thinking: they just need to commit to changing: shut up. You think its easy to just change your life? I don't see you doing it.
I could go on about that, but then you are just going to stop reading because it will be an argument that I'd win and you'd just stand their shaking your head, "I still disagree" Its because you don't know.

Its a change.

So if you are buying me a Soccer jersey for christmas Mom, Make sure you get an XL, not XXL. I have enough Pajama shirts now.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Dress to Impress

Lets face it.
We are in a world where attire matters.
"blah blah blah I disagree blah blah."
Not to attack you, but your the same person who would dress up to go to an interview, to go out on a date, to go out on the town, to go to school, to go visit grandma in the "nursery"(its a nursery, don't deny it).
We love to say don't judge people by how they look, even the way they dress. But we do just that. Maybe not judge (that would contradict my last blog), but stereotypical skaters wear what? Skate company clothes. Grizzly, Diamond Supply Co., etc. You can tell a basketball player by the simple Nike shirts, maybe more so by the shoes, the classic gym shorts. Those are some extreme examples.
Depending on the interview, you dress up in semi formal clothing, maybe formal.
You Tweet, "not caring today, dressed like this for school" and post a picture of yourself in sweatpants, which ironically match your shirt, and for some reason, that "not caring" still had time to put some make up on, get your hair done in some way. You can't deny it. You may want that style to say you were lazy, but you still woke up early to get ready.
We dress to impress. the crowds, the ones we like, the ones who we don't know, but might see us.
(have you ever driven up to a stop light and tried to pull of looking cool so the car next to you "knows" how cool you are? Or driving listening to your favorite music, you are singing along with it until you are about to pass a car, and you all of a sudden start mumbling so it doesn't look like you are singing a long?)
We care what other people think about us. And guess what? There is nothing wrong with that.
For some reason, we think there is. like we should not be worried about our outward appearance, only what is inside. Ya, thats nice, but how boring? I want people to WANT to know whats on the inside, just by my outward appearance. So, I dress to impress.
I care what people think about me. I'll admit it. I am a person who wants to show people that there ARE good people in the world. Because i am tired of hearing that there is no more good people. "what happened to our generation," I hear. NO. Stop, I care about that and will show you that there are awesome people in the world. So I live that way.
And for the most part its not even for my glory of what people think about me. I can show, that Who I am is because of Someone Else. and that He cares, just like I do. So suck it world, I am awesome and care what people think about me.  But for a good reason.
I am not all talk and no show. I am not doing one thing and saying another. I am having show and tell.

hashtag pointless blog. 

Monday, July 15, 2013


What I don't do:
Judge people.
What people think i do:
Judge them.
What I sometimes feel:
What I Hate HATE HATE to do:
Hurt people.
What I do:
Hurt people.

I have a very weird human trait that many upon many people share: I don't want to hurt/make people feel bad. Yes, there are many people in the world that, for some reason, actually like to. However, I am not one of those persons. I am, in fact the opposite. I strive to build people up, Almost as if its part of my life's purpose. And so when I fail at that, My mind goes crazy. In the past two weeks, I would assume this is what a woman's mind does. Non stop thinking. thinking of what i could have done different, what different scenarios would have played out, how it would have played out, Never ending.
So, I must say, props to you for being able to do that all the time.

A gentleman from India said this: "God didn't save Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the fire, He saved them in the fire. God didn't save Daniel from the lion's den, He saved him in the lion's den. God didn't save Joseph from prison, He worked His miracles in prison. God didn't save His Son Jesus Christ from the cross, rather He brought salvation for mankind through the cross." 
-Albijheet Lall

I have heard a lot of different things that have challenged my thought process lately. See, I also used to call upon God for help of something, Save me from this decision, save me from_______. Sometimes blame God for the poor things in my life, The bad in the world. But it isn't that way. Because another person said, "Stop thinking, 'Everything happens for a reason' for that is stupid. But think, 'Everything can be redeemed."- Michael Defazio.  Our world thinks that everything happens for a reason. Since when? God is not making bad things happen to you. Not everything happens for a reason, but God can certainly redeem you/whatever it is that happened. Redeem: Do something that compensates for poor past performance or behavior

So. What I now know is this: God will save me IN my faults. He will redeem the worlds faults. Because not everything happens for a reason. Some, yes, others, no. 

So when i hurt someone, I know, I can trust God redeeming me and the person on the other side. God has my back. You have my back, and If I hurt you, its not my intention. But know God will save you IN the hurt. 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Squeaky Sneakers

I walked today from my front door of my apartment this morning. "All Quiet on the Western Front" came to mind... silence. To my car I go.
Squeak, Squeak, Squeak... stop... look back... nope, thats me.
My shoe is squeaking.
Normal wear and tear. Thats is what is to blame. I could have avoided it. Easily actually. All I had to do is not wear my shoes... ever. Then they wouldn't ever squeak.
But I hopped in them. And many times. Now, they squeak.
I am moving out of my apartment, the one that I thought, alright, no more moving.
Well, that lasted long. I want my deposit back.
Normal wear and tear is acceptable.
I lived in it for a year. 365 days, Yeah, there is normal wear and tear.
My job started as an experiment. Not based off of anything. Just a hope that it works. From day one to today, it has changed. I have changed. Normal wear and tear.
That wear and tear extends to life.
things grow, things change, things die, things start, things are things. And day to day, it is new. yesterday was not anything like today. Yes, maybe I did many of the same things, even probably said some same words. But, from time, to mood, to who I affected, who affected me. What I said, and how I said it. All different. And funny, Tomorrow will be that way too. Each day is different.
Wear and tear happens.
If you can't deal with it.
then pretend it doesn't.
but its there. so now you are just being Naive.
Grow up.
oh, and smile.
Thanks for listening world. You've been great.
Squeak, squeak, sque... stop... take off shoe, punch... put back on... squeak, squeak, squeak.... hhhhhhsqueakhhhhhhhh.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Sweet embrace

Want something interesting to happen?
Today there was this really cool moment I keep playing back in my mind. 
It was slow at work and there were three volunteers sitting in the corner with me. 
Bill, mid 40's, amazing life background, Bill, mid 70's crazy background, and Tom, mid 70's, funny and interesting background. Then me: mid 20's pretty normal background. 
Sitting and discussing stories "of old days" and getting into trouble with their parents. Ha it was so much fun listening to them. 
I am in a weird spot, and I talk about it all the time. My job position doesn't really assist me in growing in friendships, or making new friends. Unless they are 14, or 60. 
(no offense to the 14year olds, but NO) (no offense to the 60's, though your lives have been so awesome and listening to you talk is amazing, its nothing i can base a friendship on) 
So I got a few friends. 

thats how I feel my friendships are going. 
I am not losing friends, but in t minus 3 months, i will kind of be out of friends.

It is no ones fault. 
Its the way life goes. So why not try something new? 
I got nothin.

Its actually kind of funny. Why did i move to arizona in the first place? It definitely wasn't cause i wanted a job that i had making less than half of what i was making in Joplin. I'm pretty sure i moved here because i knew people here and had some good friends here. out of the TOP THREE, one lives in Seattle, one in New York and one in Missouri.... 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, That is as spread out across the nation as you can get. God showed me. But luckily i made a few friends... who now are in Washington DC, North Phoenix(not bad, only 45 minutes away), Missouri. 
Jokester, you jokester.
So lets get other friends:(not as a last resort, to you dearest readers reading this thinking, "man, dakota was only friends with us cause everyone else was gone".... Maybe some of you.... :) )
Moving to Wyoming, Tuscon...
So luckily i still have four...
one moving back home in January, another moving for school in january, and one possibly moving up north for school in january.
Leaving one... 
Man, i hope you get a job offer and take it. 
Don't worry about a thing. Looks like i am settling for high school friends and retired friends. 
Maybe i will learn a whole bunch of new talents and be able to be the "I am Legend" of AZ, just in case the apocolypse happens here. 
Thank you for reading, please throw your trash in the bins while you exit. 
Like this blog. 

slappa da beeaaaaasssssss

Monday, September 3, 2012

You forgave, and i won't forget

No one writes blogs anymore, that was So 2010/2011. Its 2012. Its about pictures. Its about What is cool. which isn't about writing. Thats stupid. Who takes time to write?
I sure don't. Tumblr, a blog, is now about pictures and Memes. See? Don't write. just take a picture. Don't read, just look. Its easier.
Much easier.
Nothing is wrong with it. In fact, what is that saying? a picture is worth a thousand words? "a complex idea can be conveyed with just a single still image"

You can look at someone and know they are angry right? you don't have to read it somewhere. you can just look at them.  You can tell.  

So. The reason i haven't written blogs isn't because its not cool anymore. its because my life doesn't change. Unfortunately it doesn't. I wish it did. It has changed so much year by year for the longest time. The biggest of these changes was 2011 for sure. So stepping back from that to 2012, its different. Which i guess is change, just not the change i am used to. 
Who knew i would be where i am today. I see myself being molded and pushed like crazy in my job. and people look at me and ALL say, "i couldn't do it," or how i do it, My job can definitely dry people out, it can wear people thin, it can make you feel stale. just ask others that have done the internship. but i seriously find joy in it. I love what i am doing and i have a passion for it and want to do what i am doing better and make The Bridge Successful. I do get wiped out a lot, but nothing a good nights sleep cant heal. 
I take my job seriously, which means having fun, being a role model and leading Junior High-ers and High School-ers to a connection to Christ as well as each other. 
I Love seeing the same students over and over at the Bridge, I love building relationships with them and being a "big brother" to them. I enjoy it. Because when i see them on a Sunday Morning at church, all i gotta say is BOOYAH! 
I am bored of writing. I am going to look at peoples pictures. its like reading a book each picture. they tell so much. PEACE GANGSTA